So I’m surfing around, looking at things like Rootbeer Float Cupcakes (yes, you should check that out, and if you make them, call me, I want one), when I stumble upon the Starbucks Oracle. Of course I think, “I must see what the all-knowing Starbucks Oracle says about me.” So I plug in my drink, and here’s what I got:

Behold the Oracle’s wisdom:

Personality type: Hippie

In addition to being a hippie, you are a hypochondriac health nut. You secretly think that your insistence on only consuming all-natural products is because you’re so intelligent and well-informed; it’s actually because you’re a sucker. You’ve dabbled in Wicca or other pseudo-religions that attract morons and have changed your sexual orientation a few times this year. You probably live in California. Everyone who drinks grande soy vanilla latte should be forced to eat a McDonald’s bacon cheeseburger.

Also drinks: Beverages with lots of marketing that says they’re herbal and organic
Can also be found at: Whole Foods, indoor rock climbing facilities